When I was a kid, I would watch my tape of Return of the Jedi every day after school. I didn't mind that it was the same thing over and over, because I loved it so much. Fast-forward to about 18 years in the future, and I'm a bit pickier with my entertainment choices -- as are most gamers. The Dynasty Warriors series, since it switched from being a one-on-one fighting game after the first iteration, has remained largely unchanged. This is despite the fact that it has seen numerous sequels, semi-sequels (DW3: Xtreme Legends, DW4: Empires), and even a Japan-based offshoot (Samurai Warriors). Now, I liked these games as much as anyone, but frankly, my patience with the series has come to an end.

Picture one of the lunch ladies from high school. Now, picture her in a bikini. That's Dynasty Warriors 5. It used to be quite a looker in its day, but time has not been kind to it -- and I don't necessarily mean graphically, as this is one of the few areas to receive improvements (draw distance is much more tolerable now). I'm talking all-around experience and innovation. It's here where this thing sags like nobody's business.

Like always, this game consists of laying into hundreds of mentally-handicapped enemy troops while making your way to defeat bosses that are just as difficult as the soldiers are dumb. Dynasty Warriors 5 amps up the difficulty quite a bit, which is odd since there is so much length to the game. However, instead of doing the work to overhaul the drones' AI (you'll still see whole platoons staring at walls while their allies die a stone's throw away), it just made the mid-bosses harder. In fact, some are literally unbeatable -- which takes away the feeling that you single-handedly control the tide of war. Damn you Lu Bu, my mortal enemy, and your long-ass antennae, too!


Bodyguards have been switched up in a semi-interesting way. Now, you only have one sentry sticking to you like glue -- no doubt to help the game run more smoothly. There is a symbiotic relationship between the two of you, and your guard is a worthy warrior. They will finish up your combos as well as set you up, and you can execute powerful, simultaneous musou attacks. Start a new game with another character, and you have the same bodyguards to choose from -- with their stats intact.

That's about all for your advancements: nicer graphics and smarter-but-less-numerous bodyguards. The cool strategy elements of Dynasty Warriors 4: Empires are all but missing, and the side modes will get boring after one or two run-throughs. If you gave a very casual DW fan a controller and asked them which game this was (of the seven iterations since DW 1 -- including Samurai), I bet you'd be met with a stare blanker than a clean sheet of paper. I really don't understand it. Dynasty Warriors has been Koei's bread and butter for years now. Then how did the company let it get so stale and moldy?